By Jose Gonzalez
Jose is a male Solomon Island Eclectus Parrot who resides in Anchorage,
At the Vet
Today my mood can best be summed up with one word: “P*****-OFF”. Yeah that’s really two words, but I think you get the point. Today I had a vet check. I liken this event to mom’s annual visits to the Doc. You know the kind I mean. Those below the belt visits known as the PAP. Oh yeah—I know all about it. I’ve heard mom complain about them so much I know it by heart: “Oh my god how embarrassing! I hate it! You feel like a contortionist gone bad! And all during this violation, you PRAY you don’t have gas!” Yes my mom is a funny one. But tell me this dear reader. If mom feels so strongly about these kinds of things, why does she insist on inflicting this torture on her sweet poogie pies?
Here’s the scene:
We arrive at the vet’s office about 15 minutes early. Mom says we were just going for a ride in the car. See if I trust that line again! Mom makes herself comfortable in the waiting room. I nervously peer through the bars of my travel cage. I see Rico peering back at me. At least I’m not going through this alone! Suddenly I hear someone call out our names. Mom gets up and grabs our travelers. We enter a small room and the door closes behind us. A shudder runs down my tail. Did I hear the door lock? No- that has to be my imagination…..
Mom gently places our travelers on the big steel table. The vet tech starts asking mom lots of questions. Next, the vet tech brings out a small scale with a perch on it. Mom opens up Rico’s traveler first and takes Rico out. I watch intently through the bars of my traveler. I recognize the little scale. Mom has one at home to weigh us now and then. Rico is placed on the scale and weighed. Hmmm, seems she’s gained a gram or two. He he! Well she has been looking a bit chunky around the crop lately. I was next for the weigh-in. Well, so far so good. No monsters from the depths of hell appearing yet. At last---we are done with our appointment!
Crap! The Vet just walked in. Is she wearing a headlamp? She looks like she’s about to go cave exploring or something. What could that be for? She discusses a few things with mom. I hear the words “blood sample” and “vent sample”. Vent sample? Well I’ve got news for her! Nobody’s getting near my vent!
She adjusts her head lights so she can see more clearly. As she stares intently, she makes note that there is no crusted poop on the feathers. Geeze, how embarrassing…“Everything looks great so far.” She says. Well I could have told her that. I’m the one that preens down there everyday!! Did she say she is going to check for bacterial infections? What is that about?
Then IT appears. I see IT in the vet’s fingers. I thought such torture devises were outlawed centuries ago. IT looks like a Q-tip mom uses to clean out her ears. Mom with her sick humor calls this part of the exam the “Chloaca Swab”. It better not be going where I think it’s going!
. I close my little birdy eyes and let out several ear splitting screeches! NOOOOO!
Believe me when I tell you I have never been so insulted in all my life! When it is all over both Rico and I are placed in our travelers. We keep hearing people say “It’s okay, good bird!” over and over again. All I know is that if they don’t close and lock my traveler fast, someone is definitely going to lose an eye!
The drive home is silent. At home, I go into my cage and I swear I will never come out again, at least not for another year. I figure that’s how long it will take me to plot my revenge, and trust me dear reader, it will be sweet!
Here’s the scene:
We arrive at the vet’s office about 15 minutes early. Mom says we were just going for a ride in the car. See if I trust that line again! Mom makes herself comfortable in the waiting room. I nervously peer through the bars of my travel cage. I see Rico peering back at me. At least I’m not going through this alone! Suddenly I hear someone call out our names. Mom gets up and grabs our travelers. We enter a small room and the door closes behind us. A shudder runs down my tail. Did I hear the door lock? No-
Mom gently places our travelers on the big steel table. The vet tech starts asking mom lots of questions. Next, the vet tech brings out a small scale with a perch on it. Mom opens up Rico’s traveler first and takes Rico out. I watch intently through the bars of my traveler. I recognize the little scale. Mom has one at home to weigh us now and then. Rico is placed on the scale and weighed. Hmmm, seems she’s gained a gram or two. He he! Well she has been looking a bit chunky around the crop lately. I was next for the weigh-
Crap! The Vet just walked in. Is she wearing a headlamp? She looks like she’s about to go cave exploring or something. What could that be for? She discusses a few things with mom. I hear the words “blood sample” and “vent sample”. Vent sample? Well I’ve got news for her! Nobody’s getting near my vent!
She adjusts her head lights so she can see more clearly. As she stares intently, she makes note that there is no crusted poop on the feathers. Geeze, how embarrassing…“Everything looks great so far.” She says. Well I could have told her that. I’m the one that preens down there everyday!! Did she say she is going to check for bacterial infections? What is that about?
Then IT appears. I see IT in the vet’s fingers. I thought such torture devises were outlawed centuries ago. IT looks like a Q-
. I close my little birdy eyes and let out several ear splitting screeches! NOOOOO!
Believe me when I tell you I have never been so insulted in all my life! When it is all over both Rico and I are placed in our travelers. We keep hearing people say “It’s okay, good bird!” over and over again. All I know is that if they don’t close and lock my traveler fast, someone is definitely going to lose an eye!
The drive home is silent. At home, I go into my cage and I swear I will never come out again, at least not for another year. I figure that’s how long it will take me to plot my revenge, and trust me dear reader, it will be sweet!
Let me tell you about the Bird Sitter Video. I have seen positive results with my flock, all birds who came to me with physical and/or emotional issues, from the very first viewing! They look foreword to watching it every day and since I’ve been playing the Bird Sitter Video for them they are less irritable, more gregarious, talkative and loveable. It really is like giving them a daily dose of self esteem. They learn how parrots In a flock communicate, resolve conflicts, and otherwise interact. They develop both innate and learned communication skills simply by watching and/or listening to this wonderful video, filmed with Steve Hartman at Parrot University.
Sincerely,
Kathie Jo Miller
Sincerely,
Kathie Jo Miller
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